Wow...I didnt realize it had been so long since last I wrote.....Sorry about that...So much has happened......My head is still having its ups and downs, but I finally figured out a good way to handle it...keep as busy as I possibly can and wear myself out :-) Not the healthiest choice, but it seems to be working wether I want to be busy or not! I got a new job, I am working now as a jewelry consultant (sales) I love it, but hate working retail at X-mas....Jamie for the month of Dec has had to work 2nd shift which SUCKS! But the day before thanksgiving he proposed :-) Its only 9am and this is the first moment I have had to myself and I am exhausted....I have some family coming to visit today and tomorrow I am going to go see my father (blah). And then starts the week before x-mas at the store....11 hour days starting Mon with no breaks (they are bringing lunch in) and it is for 7 days in a row!!! I hope I do ok.....Hope all is well with all of you, I still am reading your blogs when I can.......

whew...things have been crazy...not the crazy I am used to, but normal busy crazy. What started as part time work at the deli has turned into 10 hour days due to massive catering. Driving all over New Bern to deliver and set up lunch. Whats funny is my pdoc and therpaist work for the same company in the same building and I had to do a catering for them the other day. I walk in and the receptionist smiles says my name how are you etc....my boss was right next to me! I said hello I am here to deliver a catered lunch, where do we need to set up? She realized then oops! My boss didnt even notice. Although he could be hit over the head with a brick and wouldnt notice :-) I have not done any ghost walks this week...my next one is Sunday. Jamie and I fought all week too (esp Monday night) so that has been draining, but I think things will work out and we will be back to normal soon. I was reading Jane's blog and she made mention of Mercury in Retrograde. The major hardship being communication during this cycle. I can def see that happening. It seems everyone is fighting due to lack of or miscommunication. I was talking to a good friend last night and was reminded of the fact that the moon is what pulls the tides. Our bodies are made of 80% water, so I def think there is some merit to the fact that I go nuts ever full moon and this whole mercury in retrograde thing. And I dont feel like writing. I feel like holeing up and doing crafts and just wanting some alone time. I have been thinking of a few things...what I want to do with my life etc....I think I want my own shop...small, cozy, intimate atmosphere with coffee, books, gifts...I have been having some ideas for jewlery with precious stones such as amethyst, pearls, etc.....I have almost all the stuff to do it, I just have to spend maybe $100 to get some more supplies. Who knows what will happen. I am just having a ton of ideas.......

well, as always, the pain calms and things get "normal" again.....these cycles suck!!!
I am not going to have alot of time from now until x-mas to deal with this shit. I was approached yesterday for a second job being a tour guide for a ghostwalk here in our historic downtown. It is a year round tour, and the money will be easy and nice.....I was also told that I could sell my crafts at the deli for x-mas too :-) Things are looking up again I think.....I am going on Sat to see my brother and how he is doing. Right now he is working at a haunted house at night, so Jamie and I are going to go and check it out, then stay the night. Should be a fun time for all (hopefully). I start the ghost walk tomorrow night for training...I am so excited, it is said that the town I live in is one of the most haunted areas of NC....
Good thing this money is coming in too....We are flat broke and tons of bills are coming in...I have to pay mucho money to get my massage license renewed by Nov 1st....and of course my car inspection expires end of the month. Such is life....
Poor Jamie though, he is feeling a bit neglected with me doing all of this....but he is understanding and realizes it will all even out :-) At least we are hopeing it will....well I must go get on the torture machine (nordictrack) and try to get my ass smaller :-) I know I am not commenting on your blogs as much as I used to, but please everyone know that I am still reading and am so thankful to each of you for sharing your life online. Hugs to everyone!!!

Thanks so much for the info! As for me, I am having a bad bipolar episode. When I first took the Requip, I felt really weird, but I slept like a baby. It was wonderful. Then on Tues night, I started to go back to the insomnia and panic attacks....which then proceeded to get worse by each night. And I was in considerable pain from the workout. I think I am going to go a little slower, maybe not kill myself so much on it. So for the past 2 full days I have had head pressure (which some could be due to the drastic weather change of the barametric pressure) and panic all day long. I took a xanax last night with the requip and still did not get to sleep until 1am. I just keep telling myself to hang on. I have a call in the doc, I broke down and started crying on Fri being so sick and tired of being sick and tired. a small pity party for one. Jamie took it well (he hates to see me cry) and just held me for awhile. But I am just soo tired of all this shit! Not being able to function with people and situations. I want to go back to school full time, but worry that I wont be able to do it. I have alot to do today and hopefully I will have some time to do some crafts (I am finding that it helps sometimes). I have my first test tomorrow night for that one class that I am taking....I am the biggest procrastinator so I have to force myself to study today. The post may not make sense, but I have to get all this out.....

Does anyone know anything about narcissistic personlity disorder? Someone close to me (not Jamie) was diagnosed with it a few days ago....Any comments would be appreciated.
BTW- I am still in pain!!! When will it end???? damn nordictrack. my butt better get small in a hurry!!

I hurt!!! I had this great idea yesterday to do (what felt like) 1,000 min on the nordictrack and a pilates DVD....I can barely move....and then I thought it would be a good idea to it again today when I got home from work! I am apprently a bit masochistic.....!!!!!

Hoo-Rah....Just got back from Parris Island, SC for Jamie's godson's graduation from Marine Corp Bootcamp. Godson had stayed with us right before he went in. I could not believe the change in him this visit. It is taking him a little while to adjust not being yelled at 24/7. And he lost so much weight! But it was a great time. We stayed in the house where Forrest Gump was filmed right on the water....It was beautiful. There is an albino dolphin that roams the waters there, but unfortunatly we did not see it. I did ok.....Had some panic with the crowds at graduation, but nothing major, I got through it. On the last day we went and had brunch at a wonderful resturant, but I did not make it all the way through. Had to leave, started breathing weird, heart pounding etc...It is so damn embarrasing!!! But thank god, Jamies friends were understanding about it. We never told them about the bipolar. I just said I have panic attacks occasionally. On the drive back, we stopped at South of the Border. It is hard to explain what it is...a huge sombraro roadside stop, with fireworks (which we bought) and cheap trinkets. We found out later that for $99, we could have gotten married, stayed in the honeymoon suite, and had access to the Pleasure Dome. I was scared to ask what exactly what the Pleasure Dome is LOL. I dont think I want to know. But now I am back home. Same ol same ol...back to the grind. The requip seems to be doing ok, it is def fixing my restless leg stuff at night. But I am needing more sleep. Jamie says I am sleeping better during the night too... Not feeling any depression. some anxiety though...but that may be situational and not med related. Who knows....it has not slowed my thoughts though (which is what we were hoping) and I feel ansy sometimes. Right after I take it, sometimes I get a rush to my brain (its hard to describe). but if I get up and move around it seems to help. I go back to the dr tomorrow for a check up on it....